I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Non-Jews are for practice
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
