hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
