The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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