Ketchup is God's man juice
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
