there's paper in my vomit.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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