you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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