I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
