GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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