she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
