I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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