fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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