Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
