a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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