i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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