Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
