i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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