I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
