Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
