Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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