My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
