put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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