This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
