When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize