i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
