i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
