yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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