"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
