I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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