Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Randomize