Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
