Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I faked an abortion last night.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
