I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
