i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
