I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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