Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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