Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
