Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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