I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
