sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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