This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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