Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
