i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
