Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
