i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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