it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
