he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Alive.
So much puke
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
