Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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