There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
