So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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