It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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