Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
