his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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