You're my little dorito
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
