youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When did we convert life to cartoon?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
