i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
