I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
