Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
