Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
