i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize