Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i will never coherently bang her
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
