i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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