Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
