Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
