I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
