Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
