I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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