Well douche your snatch and let's go!
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
