Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
