so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize